This was the mentality that my parents instilled in me when I was growing up. Grounded in cultural (i.e., Korean) and biblical principles, a part of this mindset was for my sister and me to be kind to one another as siblings. But make no mistake about it: in my family, the “family comes first” mentality disproportionately emphasized the need to honor our parents. 

Those of us who grew up in an Asian American context know how shame often plays a prominent role in family and community dynamics. Major decisions can be made based on shame. Decisions like who you end up marrying, where you decide to go to school and study, and even what career you might choose to pursue can all be based on shame.

As Christians, we have the opportunity to experience God’s heart when we practice hospitality. In many ways, with its communal focus, rich food culture, and natural bent toward honoring guests, Asian culture uniquely positions us to share this kind of welcome with others. We have the opportunity to create spaces where people can enjoy a meal and a meaningful conversation. Where they can wrestle with a difficult thought, share their anxieties, or sit silent in grief. Where they can linger without an end time.

Here’s what we have learned. You do not drift into becoming a Jesus-centered church. You have to build it. We began asking, “How do we form a church where Jesus is truly central?” We found the answer in two things: discipleship and prayer.