By Sherene Joseph
I
have spent most of my life feeling like a mismatch. Born in India, raised in the Middle East, and now living in the United States of America, I learned early on how to adapt to whatever culture I found myself in. As a result, my behavior differed from home to school, church, and everywhere.
I watched my parents as immigrants to the Sultanate of Oman work hard, do their best, and never complain at their jobs. I saw my parents surrender their passports to the Omani sponsors to live and work there. As a child, I did not understand what I saw, but I always saw my parents behave in a cooperative and almost submissive manner when they lived in the Middle East. On the contrary, I saw their behavior palpably change when they returned to India. There was confidence and comfort in the way they navigated their community. A feeling of belonging, of being in a space they called home without the feeling of needing to prove their worth constantly.
My early years were formed in the Middle East by what I saw at home and in my church community. Inside the church, we were all one. Although, we came from different states in India and varying economic backgrounds, we united as Christians, worshiping the same God in a foreign land. Growing up in the Middle East, I was around people from other states of India. However, life in Oman did not fall into a specific pattern. There was no concept of life in suburbia.
Everyone who was not an Omani was an expatriate, a foreigner living in a land they were not born to. Yet, we all found commonality in that. Some of us were from the same country; some worked in the same company, hospital, or school. Many of us were from different socio-economic backgrounds, but we all were part of one community. Even if we spoke other languages, we were bound by being immigrants in a foreign land.
As I grew up, this pieced together wholeness was everyday life for me. However, when I moved back to India as a college student, I struggled to find my feet in a homogenous culture. Most of the Indians I met felt different to me compared to my experiences as I was growing up. As a result, I felt like a foreigner in the country of my birth.
I visited my first White church in 2004. We had been in the United States for about two weeks. It was the first Sunday in November, so we went to a local neighborhood church down the road. It felt strange and slightly uncomfortable to be in a church where no one looked like us. Now don't get me wrong, those who greeted us after the service were extremely kind and friendly. But we felt a bit like we were on display.
That was my first experience in a monoethnic church in the United States, and while the service was beautiful, we did not stay there long. Again, I felt the anxiety of having to assimilate. It was hard for us to fit in despite a newcomer's class and even a membership class at the church. Although they welcomed my husband into the choir and our little boy was part of the children's ministry, we did not find it easy to move into White-dominant spaces. We longed for connection and a sense of belonging.
As time went by, we found an Indian missionary church nearby which soon became our home church. The Indian church provided an immediate sense of comfort for us. Everyone had gone through the experience of being new to the United States, and we had similar stories. I did not have to work to assimilate. It was easy. But just because something is easy does not mean it's always right.
Over the next 14 years, we built our life and community in the Indian church. And yes, it could have been the end of my story, but that's not what happened. As someone who has lived most of her life as a third culture kid, I have always lived in constant transition. While rooted in my faith, my identity was also rooted in the people I was around. As a result, my ability to adapt to my surroundings became intuitive.
While I was able to be wholly Indian within the Indian community, I was also learning to be entirely white in my White American society. As a result, I learned how to assimilate and became adept at living in two different spaces.
Over time, code-switching became natural. However, living in the liminal space between two cultures was harder. Although code-switching can seem easy, it can also be exhausting. I realized that I needed to find a way to live the life I had been given and not fight so hard to fit in.
As my friend and author Michelle Ami Reyes says in her book Becoming All Things, “I am like every Indian, like some Indians, and like no other Indians.” God had blessed me with a unique gift to connect cross-culturally, so why was I trying so hard to separate the two?
I navigate multiethnic and cross-cultural spaces as an Indian immigrant every day of my life. My husband and I are raising two teenagers. We want our children to be bridge builders as products of an Indian family but with an American birthright. They know and love so much of their Indian heritage, but we cannot deny them their American heritage. They are the perfect blend of chicken curry and hamburgers! Every time our children order the Spicy Zinger Burger KFC sandwich in India, we laugh because though they love KFC from the United States, they need the spices of the sandwich, which is found only in India.
But bridge building is complicated and messy work, and we must intentionally move towards it. Radical faith needs radical actions, and our example has always been Jesus Christ. He truly walked the walk. He became the bridge we all needed to connect us to God. He lived an intentional life connecting with people across multiple cultures, laying down His life for us. As children of God, we have been restored and reconciled to Him through the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. If we are reconciled to Him, we need to bring reconciliation to others.
We are the body of Christ. We are the church, the bride of Christ, and the multiethnic bride.
The reality of the gospel message is through Christ's church. Matthew 22:36-40 tells us, “‘Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.’”
In January 2020, after 14 years of being in a monoethnic, immigrant church, our family stepped out of our comfort zone to become members of a church whose vision was to be “a multiethnic movement of missionary disciples formed in the way of Christ.” It was not an easy decision. I was anxious. Would anyone talk to us after service in this new church? Where would we serve? Would anyone ask us to lunch? Will we continue to be relevant?
Those are typical questions that plague any immigrant who moves into a white majority church, and I did not have the answers. All I knew was to obey God's prompting. I needed to embrace the discomfort and step out boldly. I could listen and love people. I could be curious and invite people to my table and live as Christ has called us. There is no magic formula, but Christ was a bridge builder all His life.
He spoke to the Samaritan woman (John 41:1-42), He invited Matthew the tax collector to follow Him (Matt 9:9-10) and invited himself to the home of another tax collector Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10). Jesus often spent time with people who did not look like Him or come from the same economic class or ethnicity. He offered to go to the home of the Roman centurion to heal his servant (Matt. 8:5-13; Luke 7:1-10) and spent time in conversation with the Syrophoenician woman (Matt 15:22-25). How can we be bridge builders? How can we learn to live in multiethnic and multicultural communities?
We need to lean into the discomfort, or we need to get used to being uncomfortable! There is nothing more comfortable for me than being in a room full of Indians. Whether we are in worship or fellowship, I feel inherent ease in my physical and spiritual self. But if I lived like that, I would not be living my life the way Christ has called me to or engaging people the way the apostle Paul did. When I lean into the discomfort, God stretches me and grows me. I learn from others, and our differences draw us closer. My friend and pastor Sissy Mathew at Irving Bible Church says, “proximity shatters assumptions,” and she is right.
As South Asians and Asian Americans, we need to embrace the cultural discomfort of navigating majority-White spaces. For most Indian or Asian immigrants, cultural discomfort is hard. It's easier to have professional relationships versus personal ones. Case in point, a White American friend invited me to attend Camp Gladiator (a boot camp). Just to stop her nagging, I tried it for a month. Fast forward five years, I am still there and have built so many strong friendships. I wouldn't want to generalize by saying all White Americans love working out, but finding a shared activity is one of the easiest ways to build healthy cross-cultural friendships.
Showing genuine interest in someone else is compelling enough, in most cases, for them to accept the invitation. We need to leave the comfort of our culture and embrace the new. We need to widen our circle and make space at our table. Too often, we are too comfortable in our circles, and we struggle to invite others into our cultural spaces. There will always be differences when multiple cultures come together, but we can learn to accommodate. Under the new covenant of the New Testament, God is not asking us to adapt to one culture but to have greater cultural flexibility. The discomfort will produce significant growth and develop empathy.
When we intentionally and vulnerably build friendships with people from other ethnicities and economic backgrounds, we often discover there is more that unites us than separates us. It teaches us empathy, and we build sacrificial community and spiritual friendship.
Mother Teresa once said, “The true way and the sure way to friendship is through humility-being open to each other, accepting each other just as we are, knowing each other.” So, we need to ask people their stories. Everyone has a different story, so let us learn to be curious.
I rarely find a person unwilling to be open when I am genuinely curious about their story. I would not want people to assume that I am the same as every Indian, so we shouldn't behave that way with our White friends. A person's story often teaches us more than just engaging for the sake of diversity. Our environments and experiences form us, and we need to be open to learning more about each other so we can build healthy friendships.
Pastor Derwin Gray, in his book, Building a Multiethnic Church, says,
“God values diversity which is why He made such a variety of people. Jesus's church is a collection of ethnically diverse people from all kinds of backgrounds with all kinds of gifts and abilities to bring glory to His name on earth.”
Paul challenges us in 1 Corinthian 9:19-23 to become all things to all people. It is not an easy path to walk, and some days are more complicated than others. Nevertheless, we must not grow weary of the good work God has set before us because it is enriching, and the church needs it. Our God has commanded us to do so. As someone who walks in the tension of being a bridge-builder every day, I have learned that people are people, no matter your country or ethnicity. We all have a visceral need to be loved, seen, and known as human beings. We might not always admit it, but we do. We can learn to be curious and educate ourselves on other cultures. We can invite people into our homes. Engaging and connecting with the outsiders and others. When we lean into the discomfort, we rely heavily on God and not on our self-sufficiency. This stretches us and grows us in maturity and humility.
My family and I have seen great fruit in building our multiethnic community. Our faith has been challenged and has grown. We have learned not to stereotype and have built deep friendships and an authentic community. It is not a hat we put on when we walk into the church building on a Sunday morning and take off at night, but is how we live every day and every area of our lives. Being a bridge builder is what God has called us to be as we follow the path of Jesus. It is not easy but is hard work with intentionality and very worth the effort. Christ guides us every step of the way. We each need to ask ourselves if we are willing to do the hard work. Are we willing to be uncomfortable? Are we willing to learn from others? Are we ready to step out boldly in faith and truly live out radical love?
Photo by Sai Maddali on Unsplash
Sherene Joseph is a Third Culture Kid, born in India, raised in Sultanate of Oman and have been in the United States for the last 19 years. She is married to Joe and has two kids, 19 and 15. She is a Deacon at Irving Bible Church and serves on the Women’s Bible Study Teaching team. She also works with her husband on the Marriage at IBC team. She is passionate about being involved in Be the Bridge and racial reconciliation groups, helping people be bridge builders, and writing and talking about the intersection of Faith, Culture & Community.